I live alone mock-cheddar cheese soup.

The boyfriend and I were talking about mock-apple pie. A strange, old-timey phenomenon, mock-apple pie is ground ritz crackers, sugar, and apple pie spice in a pastry shell, which people swear tastes just like apple pie.

This, of course, leads to two questions: Why substitute for something available, year round, from all supermarkets, everywhere. Apples don't even need refridgeration; people stored them in cellars, like potatoes. It is damned hard not to have apples when ritz crackers are widely accessible. Unless you live, maybe, on some remote micronesian island without agriculture or accessible harbors.

Tonight I made a soup, which I realized was, exactly, straight on, dead ringer for cheddar cheese soup. There is no cheddar cheese in it. Yet, the ingredients of this soup are only available in places that cheddar cheese is also available. Also, it contains mostly cruciferous vegetables, and a buttload of garlic, so it helps that I live alone.

Ingredients:

1/2 large yellow onion, minced fine.
2 small red potatoes, also minced.
1 bag, frozen cauliflower
1/2 cup, canned pumpkin.
1 can, cream of mushroom soup, condensed.
Garlic
Chili Powder
2 tbl red wine.
Water.

To the bottom of a large soup pot, drizzle enough oil of any kind to cover. Add onions and potatoes, and cook on medium, stirring occasionally, until bits start to stick. Add red wine, scrape bottom, and stir. Add garlic, to taste. When no bits remain stuck to the bottom, and your kitchen smells somewhat like standing right next to a guy in an apron with a picture of sausage on it on a rush hour train, add four cups of water and the frozen cauliflower. Cook until no cauliflower remains frozen. With a stick blender, puree like crazy. Cook for twenty minutes on low, add can of cream of mushroom soup, a buttload of chili powder, and the pumpkin. Cook for a while longer, maybe 15 minutes, then puree again, until creamy. Really go at it.

Enjoy.

See? You'd really think there'd be cheddar in there.

but there isn't.

A mystery. A paradox. A hearty soup.